Trump’s Undocumented Housekeeper and The Credit Card-Only Craze | The Daily Show

As you can see, this is day three of Trevor being unable to speak The doctor ordered him to rest his vocal cords, so congratulations, society, you silenced another black man

(laughter) But he is still sitting here, using a talking app on his phone Say something, Trevor FEMALE VOICE: For quality assurance purposes, this show may be recorded -(laughter) -Very nice Now, let's catch up on today's headlines

For a few months now, the US and China have been in a trade war, which, let's be honest, it's the most boring kind of war there is Until now All right, breaking news

A new riff, potentially, between the United States and China after an executive for a Chinese tech giant, Huawei, was arrested in Canada NEWSWOMAN: Meng Wanzhou is her name She's the daughter of Huawei's founder She may be sent to the US

to face reported charges of trying to evade US sanctions on Iran Chinese officials are calling on Canada to release her Did you get that? The U

S and Canada just arrested the daughter of one of China's most powerful families They are going full Game of Thrones on this trade war I mean, how do you think President Trump would like it if China threw one of his kids into prison? FEMALE VOICE: Depends which kid Oh, yeah, good point, that's a good point

Also, if you have to get arrested, try to do it in Canada They don't even do good cop-bad cop It's just good cop-even nicer cop Moving on Breaking news from President Trump's New Jersey golf club, where we just found out that his housekeeper is an illegal immigrant

(audience oh'ing and ooh'ing) So I guess Trump told us he'd build a wall, but he never said there'd be a service entrance (laughter) Victorina Morales says that her job included making Trump's bed, cleaning his toilet and ironing his boxer shorts

FEMALE VOICE: Good God Talk about jobs Americans don't want to do -(laughter) -Yeah Ugh And Trump now says that because the housekeeper doesn't have legal papers, she'll be terminated, which, I got to tell you, I'm really surprised about

Usually if you're a woman in Trump's bedroom, the only document you need is an NDA (laughter, groaning) Finally, some news from the world of entertainment NEWSWOMAN: A big announcement from Justin Timberlake The singer says he's postponing his remaining concert dates for December He told Instagram followers that his doctors want him to continue to rest his voice

He's been pushing back shows since October for bruised vocal cords Aw, man God, that is so sad Justin Timberlake with no voice? Well, I mean, you know what that means He's useless to society now

'Cause, you know, when you're an entertainer and you can't entertain, what good are you for? -FEMALE VOICE: Um, Desi? -Yeah, I mean, the only thing left to do is just take him out back -Um, Desi? -and turn him into glue -Desi? -Hmm? I have the same problem with my vocal cords Oh, yeah Oh, that's so weird You guys, uh

attend the same orgies or something? (laughter, groans) FEMALE VOICE: Sometimes, but not this time Ah Good to know

Let's move on to our top story (laughter) Good? This is it? Yeah Money When it started, it was seashells and beads and stuff, which was fine when we were scamming the Indians, but now we have a real economy Anyway, we've since moved on to coins and paper money, but now even that seems out of date

We've all heard the saying that "cash is king," but more and more stores are going cash-less, so that means leave your cash at home and you got to bring your credit card Chain restaurants, like Tender Greens, airlines, like United and Delta, don't take cash on flights anymore Even fitness studios, like Bar Method, only take plastic Safety is a big reason restaurants say they're going cash-free No cash means nothing for thieves to run off with

That's right, no more cash means no more robberies, until the bad guys start mugging your Venmo FEMALE VOICE: Look out He's got a knife emoji (laughter) And while cash-less seems like the wave of the future, there are some downsides that you may not have thought of NEWSWOMAN: Experts warn about the people who may be left behind– so-called "unbanked consumers

" A 2015 federal survey found that seven percent of American households had no checking or savings accounts It's more than twice as high for African Americans and Latinos NEWSMAN: Businesses accepting only credit or debit disproportionately deny service to this city's most vulnerable people What happens if you're homeless? What happens if you're undocumented? What happens if you're too poor to have credit? What happens if you're underbanked? That's right, going cash-less can discriminate against people who can only pay in cash Not to mention how unfair it is on the people on the cash

You know, just when Harriet Tubman's gonna get on the twenty, all of a sudden we're not taking it anymore? She's gonna be like, "Bitch, I just got here" For more on the move towards cash-less, we're joined by our senior junior correspondent Jaboukie Young-White -(cheering, applause, whistling) -What's up! What's up? Oh, my God Ah, thank you, Desi

Thank you, Desi Thank you, Dimple Alexa I really appreciate it So, Jaboukie, how do you feel about, uh, sorry – so, Jaboukie, how do young people feel -about the end of cash? -Oh, this is amazing I mean, cash is trash

(chuckles): It's bulky, it's easy to lose, and it's literally gross Like, think about it People are passing it around with their germy hands, then they snort coke with it, and then they stick it in a G-string, and then the last thing you touch before you eat a slice of pizza is that cash People are happy when they find money on the ground, but that shit was on the ground You know? Like, sure, you found $20, but now you got to spend $400 on antibiotics

Cash is basically chlamydia that you use -to buy Snickers, essentially -(laughter, groans) FEMALE VOICE: But, Jaboukie, don't young people care about all the downsides? Oh, don't waste your battery I'm gonna get to that (laughter) As a millennial, I'm all about the end of cash, you know? But then, on the other hand, I'm a millennial, which means I care about things like social justice and plastic straws and shit And there's a lot of marginalized people that can't get a credit card or a fancy phone or even a bank account

So it's, like, a subtle form of discrimination, like when the sign outside the club says, "No baggy pants" or "No good dancers," like, we know who you're talking about (laughter) You know, going cashless Speaking of good dancers, going cash-less is going to make strip clubs, like, hella boring, you know? Like, you can't pay a stripper with, like, Apple Pay, you know? Just, like, one dollar, send, one dollar, send, one dollar, send, like

So Okay (cheering and applause) So, what you're saying is young people created this cashless world, and now they don't want to live in it? Well, yeah, but we could also solve it I mean, if there's one thing that young people like, it's bringing back old shit Vinyls, beards, Jeff Goldblum– that was us That's why I'm trying to get ahead of the curve and make some artisanal cash at home in my bathroom

(laughter) It looks authentic, right? I'm selling it on Etsy if you want to get in on it, Desi Dude, making counterfeit money is a felony Okay, okay, calm down, RoboCop Let's keep this between us and Benjamin Jefferson Yes

I'm gonna take this Jaboukie Young-White, everybody