BREAKING : Melania Trump’s Credit Card DECLINED At Saks Fifth Avenue

In a horrifically embarrassing moment this afternoon, First Lady Melania Trump, at a shopping trip in New York, had her credit card declined at upscale milfwear emporium Saks Fifth Avenue, which, as many of the world’s most affluent miniature poodle owners have kept wrapped in secrecy, is located on Fifth Avenue According to reports, the Lady Trump had accumulated an armful of dresses, lingerie, and an adorable selection of money-scented candles, and had approached the sales counter to pay, escorted past line-waiting serfs and the lesser-important by her handlers, Simona and Garfunkla, a pair of Swedish twins who also work in the European erotic Lego-art world

At the counter, Mrs Trump attempted to use her American Express Adamantium card for the purchase, and was shocked when the obviously liberal little machine, beeped in a manner unbecoming any hardware that Saks Fifth Avenue would be expected to employ As her panicked assistants steadied America’s Most Beloved Classier Courtney Love, the card was re-run quickly, as if the woman at the counter, identified only as “Stacy”, was a terrified coed extra on “The Cosby Show” The card was, unbelieveably, declined a second time In-store security camera footage has been ordered classified, but some audio leaked out to the press : (Melania) : “Thees must be some meestake of some kind

I have also Deescover?”(Unimportant Worker) : “Um, no, ma’am, it says ‘Insufficient funds’ And uh, nobody takes Discover”(Melania) : “But you are knowing who am I, yes? Deescover is Cadillac of credit card”(Whatshername) : “Ma’am, Discover is the GoBots of credit cards” The question is why President Trump would allow such a thing to happen in the first place

As a Christian saviour, he obviously controls the money in the marriage Has his Queen offended thine eye? Is this, as some are positing, a punishment of some kind? America needs to know : Are mommy and daddy fighting? And what will make it not ALL OUR FAULT?